I've often said that the labor pains that most moms experience before a child is born, adoptive mothers get to experience after the fact, while they are bonding and forming attachments with their children.
It is also true that many children process the losses of adoption throughout their lives, as they reach various developmental milestones. Right now we are going through it with Chris ... His moodiness, outbursts, and tantrums are all indicative of a child who is struggling to make sense of his world. Last night he came down with a letter to his first parents, telling them how much he misses and loves them still.
It's hard not to look at such a letter, and wonder if I could do something to eliminate these feelings. Or whether I've done something to bring them on. But then I take a step back, and try to look at the situation as dispassionately as I can. Sure, it hurts to see that after all this time he still wrestles with the "real mom" question.
But it's not about me. It's about him.
If you've ever gone through something like this, or even if you haven't, I hope you'll join me in this prayer today...
Heavenly Father, sometimes adoption hurts. That's the truth.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm stumbling in the dark,
leading the kids with me as I bump into walls.
Surround us with your Spirit, and create new bonds of love,
Bonds of light and healing that only YOU can create.
Take us by the hands, and labor with us in love.
For YOU are our Father.
Mother Mary, pray for us.
St. Joseph, patron of families, pray for us.
St. Thomas More, patron of adopted children, pray for us.