I am seven months pregnant and am in the process of putting together my adoption plan as I do not intend to keep my unborn son. I will be a birthmother come April. Through a series of unforeseeable and incomprehensive events (none of them having to do with alcohol or drug abuse, thank you very much, and none of them having to do w/a bad childhood, or rape, or abuse or anything like that) I became pregnant. I graduated from a Jesuit university with 3 degrees in 4 years and a semester in Rome under my belt. After graduating I spent a year volunteering as a kindergarten teacher for underprivileged children in an incredibly impoverished area of California, and then worked in a program for homeless women.
I'm not keeping my child because I want him to have a perfect start with two parents that will be present in his life and who will love him as much as I do but who can afford to provide for him better than I can right now especially because I am not in a romantic relationship with the father.
If you look into it, birthmothers are more likely to have accomplished some degree of higher education while less educated single pregnant women and other women who have dealt with abuse, drugs, alcohol etc. are more likely to keep their children. So please, out of respect for us birth mothers stop making it sound like we've been carrying baggage all our lives or that we have consistently made poor choices. Especially because we need to be constantly reassured that giving our child to someone else to raise is the right choice.
Thank you, Erin, for taking time to write. As you point out, generalities can be dangerous things – perhaps this is especially true in the world of adoption. No two adoption triads (birth parents/adoptive parents/adoptee along with their respective extended families) are exactly alike.
It is also important for birth parents to consider, however, that the factors that lead a couple to pursue adoption can also vary widely. The wide-eyed smiles and idyllic images on the agency letters are not magic mirrors into the future. There is no telling what is ahead: divorce, or disease, or unemployment, or pregnancy. Like any other family, we cope with the ebbs and flows of ordinary life. Like any other family, we manage some days better than others.